Holy Bangkok Batman!

Hello everyone.

It was a great day and a wild night in Bangkok.  This elf has seen things that an elf can't ever unsee.  The day started like any other normal day in Bangkok.  We did some sight seeing around the city, including visiting the "Marble Temple." Our gracious tuk tuk driver once again took us to see a tailor.  This is a common theme among the drivers as they get paid by the tailors for bringing tourists in.  We also visited the State Building, which houses the sky bar featured in The Hangover II.  It is a great building with an incredible view from the top.  We also saw another business that was just a little off.  It was the Indian Hut.  Take a good look at the font and logo in the picture.

After our sight seeing, we got a couples massage.  The Thai massage was a bit rough, but our masseuse was quite the girl.  Her name is Tasanee, which means, "beautiful view."  I must say, her parents did a splendid job in naming her, because the view was splendid.  I am sorry Veronica, I may be on a diet, but an elf still likes to look at a menu.  The massage even made me have some really great dreams later in the evening.

After the massage and dinner, we decided to go see one of the "famous" ping-pong shows at a tiger bar.  My mind is still unable to process the things my eyes saw and the activities I took part in.  A quick summary: I lit cigarettes that were smoked in an unspeakable way, held a balloon that was shot from 15 feet away by a blow dart gun, hit ping-pong balls fired at me, pulled countless handkerchiefs, needles and razorblades attached to very long pieces of strings out of the unspeakable places, watched water be sucked up and turned into Coke Light, saw little bananas being shot in the air, and even had a note written to me.  All these actions were carried out by their unspeakable place.  The finally was a live sex show that was like watching a ballet.  The couple went from position to position at least 25 times without breaking stride.  I am amazed and may never be the same and Veronica didn't blink until at least 2 hours after the show.  We have witnessed Bangkok late at night....and it was weird!

A changed elf,

Virgil

Marble Temple

Indian Hut

Building from Hangover II

Quite the stretch by Tasanee

That is the spot

Painful stretch, but looked sexy to me

My dreams from last night

More of the good dream

We are in Bangkok!

Hello to all,

We left our happy place in Phuket today.  On our ride to the airport my earlier suspicions of the Ferrari Taxi being an imposter were confirmed when we saw a real one being delivered on Phuket.  It was very sad leaving the island, but we quickly became happy on our ride to the hotel in Bangkok.  It felt like we were starting a brand new vacation.

The city is incredible and our suite at the Oriental Residence Bangkok is phenomenal.  After checking in at the hotel, Veronica and I went for a walk to start scouting the city.  After walking for a little while, a fellow named Chai Chai offered to show around the city in his tuk tuk (scooter taxi).  We had a lovely time.  He took us to see temples, to a tailor to shop for suits and to the long-tail boats to see the city from the river. One of the temples had a huge Buddha made of solid gold that is worth something like $50 million. Chai Chai also wanted to take us to something called a tiger bar to see a ping pong show.  We are still not exactly sure what that is or if we should go.  Despite our adventurous ways, we declined. We will be looking it up online tonight and talk about going tomorrow.  After Chai Chai's short explanation, I am not sure that Veronica has it in her.

After the city tour, we went back to the hotel where we continued our streak of ordering room-service.  The food was quite good, despite the portions being small.  We enjoyed a bath in the gorgeous bathroom.  Veronica is even getting accustomed to the sprayer thingy in the bathrooms.  We also spent some time enjoying the city lights from the comfort of our balcony.

So far Bangkok is freaking awesome!

Day trip to the Similan Islands

Hello everone,

It was another gorgeous morning in Phuket.  After having gone to Koh Phi Phi and being amazed by the beauty, I never imagined I would see anything comparable so soon.  All of the locals really talk a lot about the beauty of the Similan Islands.  They claimed it is more gorgeous than Koh Phi Phi.  Because of these claims, Veronica and I decided to take a day trip to the Similan Islands today. 

We found our transportation to the pier to be quite interesting, the van had stickers telling us that there was no dogs, sheep, kites, blowing arse, or sex allowed on the van.  However, being sexy was ok.  Thank goodness, or Veronica would not have been allowed to ride.

We are incredibly happy we did the day trip.  I don't know that I would dismiss the beauty of Phi Phi and say the Similans are more beautiful, because it is such a tough comparison.  Phi Phi is gorgeous with its amazing land formations and sparkling emerald color waters.  The Similans are a little less impressive in terms of land formation, but I am partial to the crystal blue waters surrounding the Similans.  I think the fact that I felt great and did not have to take bathroom or vomit breaks really helped make it a fantastic experience as well.

We had a great deal of fun meeting a few nice people from Chicago.  They were some of the few Americans that we met on our trip.  Although, the folks from Chicago, were actually immigrants from Bosnia.  It was great to have good people on the tour to enjoy snorkeling, island visits and diving off the boat.  The snorkeling was really something to behold.  We saw an amazing number of fish, a sea turtle, a shark and one fellow suffered a jelly-fish sting.

After returning to the resort, we took a little time to meditate in the little relaxation/reflection area by our room.  I figured it would be a good idea, because tomorrow.....it is off to Bangkok.

Virgil

A drive to Patong.

Hello to all,

After a couple of fun but very rough days for this elf, we decided to rent a car again and head south to Patong.  It was a lovely drive and we located a very popular tourist area with a beautiful (but packed with people) beach and a very sketchy area that is notorious in Thailand.  We had initially planned on surveying the area and returning later in the evening for dinner, but after walking around for a couple of hours we decided that our resort would make for a better dinner spot.

Patong is very interesting.  We located the "World Famous" Rock Hard Cafe and an 11/11 convenience store.  There seemed to be many things that were just a bit off from what we are accustomed to.  The streets were very packed and narrow with stores, restaurants (of every variety imaginable), and a whole lot of go-go bars and massage parlors (the darkened window type).  One of our guides explained what the darkened windows mean ... not a place for an elf and his girl to get a relaxing couples massage (at least not according to Veronica). 

After seeing Patong, we returned to the comfort of the JW Marriott to enjoy some pool time, a wonderful ceremony in the reflecting pool and a spectacular sunset.  We once again decided to do room service for dinner, which has become a theme for us.

As a side note, I tried to find the NFL playoff games on tv, but the only sports on at the time were some kind of gymnastics practice on ESPN.  I think the version they have here is like ESPN 23.

Tomorrow it is more adventure as we head to the highly recommended, Similan Islands.

Virgil

Phi Phi Island day 2..... my body continues to disappoint

Hello from Phi Phi again,

Well I was hoping all issues from yesterday would be resolved, but that is not the case.  Somehow I got the tune from the song that goes "You got to move it, move it" from Madagascar stuck in my head, and given my current state, I rewrote the lyrics. In my version it is, "My butt is burnin', burnin', my butt is burnin', burnin'.... BURNING!" An elf can only wipe so many times in a day.

To add to the comedy, today we went snorkeling again after breakfast.  While swimming with Veronica, I started to get a little gag reflex, but ignored it.  Huge mistake. Huge! I began to vomit in the ocean.  This continued for several minutes....until the tank was empty.  On the bright side, who could have known fish soooo like partially digested elf food.  I can truly say, I have left everything in the waters of Thailand.

Despite the issues, we still had a great time!  We snorkeled, fed the monkeys (and the fish), visited Phi Phi town, and made it back to the JW Marriott in Phuket all by 5:30pm ... just in time to go see YaYa the elephant again.  She truly is an amazing and gentle being.

Now we are going to order some room-service and prepare for another big day tomorrow.

Virgil

We are on Phi Phi!

Hello again,

It has been one heck of a day here in Thailand!  Veronica and I were picked up this morning and taken to the Royal Marina Phuket for our speedboat transfer to the Zeavola resort in Koh Phi Phi.   The marina was beautiful and it was fun to look at the houses and yachts.  The day got more amazing as we arrived in Phi Phi.  Words cannot really describe the beauty of the place with its high cliffs and transparent glowing emerald waters.

It was so beautiful that we didn't want to waste any time relaxing in our bungalow during the daylight.  We decided to hire a long-tail boat to take us on a beach and snorkeling excursion.  We boarded the boat and then all hell broke loose.  I suddenly had a gurgle in my belly and realized I had either eaten some bad food or drank the wrong water.  I instantly knew (to some extent) what was going to happen very soon.

Here is a quick quiz question for you:  What does one do when explosive diarrhea is imminent, but you have just arrived to a very small beach, with a dozen other people present, the beach is surrounded on 3 sides by sheer cliffs and on the remaining side by snorkelers in crystal clear water?

This elf handled the situation by snorkeling out past the other swimmers and then completing an incredible choreographed underwater ballet.  The dance consisted of pulling down my trunks and undergarment, expelling #3, continually and quickly swimming away from it, monitoring all aspects of my situation, all while laughing and trying not to choke.  Yes, this actually happened........ x7.    Seven times I had to disrobe and poo in the ocean. Veronica was not sure whether it was funny, disgusting or a combination of both.  She did find me to be quite a trooper in the handling of the situation and continuing the excursion.  She said not to ever expect her to do the same.

This occurred in Nui Bay, which was quite extraordinary.  I wish I could have focused a little more on the beauty of the setting.  After Nui Bay, we went to Monkey Beach in Loh Da Lum Bay.  It was an incredible adventure.  Veronica and I snorkeled through and around rock formations and caves.  It was surreal.  Then the monkeys showed up at the beach.  There must have been 30 monkeys.  People fed the monkeys and our guide even showed us how to share water with them.

I am looking forward to Phi Phi day 2 tomorrow.  Hopefully, my stomach issues will be better by morning.  That reminds me, I have to go.... Now!

Royal Phuket Marina

Thai for "hotel lobby"

Towel elephant on the bed

Mosquito net, also known as "quick bathroom exit obstruction"

Nui Bay, the scene of the crime

Our guide sharing water with the monkeys

The "angry monkey" from the Family Guy